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Here we are once again… another week under my belt. Here is a listing of posts I made over at my other new job.

Alan Turing’s family petitions British government to pardon 49,000 other men convicted for being gay.
Neil Patrick Harris at the Oscars
Poly in the tech industry. I’m not gonna lie, I love this post.
TBT, Will and Grace
Tegan and Sara, the duo of the moment
Transphobia and violence
Community, a show I love

I hope you enjoy and read these. I’m pretty proud that I’m getting published. I do hate that I’m still sick this week. I’m hoping to be up and running again by Thursday. I need to write more.

I’ll try to get more writing up here this week… possibly even tomorrow.

Until then!

A Quickie for Today

I’m gonna be doing a quickie post for today. I feel like I need to. I’m feeling pretty mentally bogged down after work yesterday. I’m still feeling particularly triggered.

So, my 2-day a week job is hard on me. My boss is fairly controlling. He wants things done a specific way but never tells you what that means to him. This happens all the time. So, instead of being specific before I start something he’ll then tack on other things and be angry about how it’s not good enough… even though he never stated what he wanted done.

So, he reminds me so much of the guy who rapes me. He needs to desperately keep control of the situation that it becomes a power play and he won’t listen to me, even though he hired me to take care of certain things and this happens to be my realm of ability. Now, this could be because he is on the Tea end of the political spectrum. That means because I’m a girl, I couldn’t possibly know more than he does. But either way, just being around him triggers me.

Then there’s the hours of FoAx “News” I have to listen to. This is why I’m feeling particularly unhinged today.

Fox “News” was reporting on the rape that happened at an Indiana university. Now, if it was called an alleged rape, I would have been annoyed, but it would have been accurate.

Of course Fox “News” couldn’t use the term “alleged”. Instead they said “so-called rape”. This is during their news reporting… not during one of their many opinion pieces they run all day long. I was about to break something, anything… possibly throw a $3000 computer across the room.

Calling it a so-called rape is so incredibly dismissive. It’s like a huge middle finger to a rape survivor. Let me scratch that, it *is* a huge middle finger to a rape survivor. There’s a reason consent is being redefined. It’s not OK for someone to beat the shit out of anyone. It’s not OK to rape someone. It’s especially not OK to do both. If someone says no when you start hitting them, you stop all play.

So, here we go. Rape is a serious issue. It’s emotionally damaging to the victim. But calling something a “so-called rape” is unconscionable.

And it’s the reason I’m upset… and understandably so.

So, I’m feeling… a lot of things. A lot of them are rage and hurt. It puts me back to how I felt when I was 13. It gave me a panic attack… well, several of them. So, I’m having a hard time keeping my head on straight.

I am grateful for my dog. He does a good job of taking care of me. He’s been by my side since I came home last night. He’s not normally a snuggler, but last night he went for the full snuggle. He’s been so close to me. He wants me to pet him and make sure that I know that he’s there for me. As we speak, he’s lying on top of my feet.

I’m still vacillating between being weepy and trying to maintain. it’s hard to deal with… but I’ll get through it. I’ve had to do this before. It might require me sharing some more. It’s not fun and it could be triggering for someone else, and for that I apologize. The treatment for PTSD is to talk about it. Talk it out. Talk about what you’re feeling. I’ve been through a lot of therapy for this and my abuse.

I’ll get past this. I just need to take the time to do so. I need to remember, more than anything, I need to be gentle to myself. I need to give myself time.  I need to remind myself that I’m not the same person and I’m not in the same place I was when I was 13.

More importantly, I need to just breathe.

Here are the posts that I made in the last week. There’s a lot of them. I didn’t realize that I could be this prolific.

Neil Patrick Harris at the Oscars:
Zachari Logan:
Bi Invisibility:
Japan and Gay Culture:
Kai Teichert:
Chasing Amy:
Same_Sex Relationship Longevity:

There you go. That’s all of them. Plenty of stuff there to enjoy! I’ll return tomorrow with some actual content. 0_0 (I know… I keep saying that. I mean it this time.)

Until then!

Video game makers have been some pretty silly things as of late. Largely the complaints have been that games have been released broken. The only way you can fix that is paying for some downloadable content later on down the line. Then there’s Nintendo. They released the latest installment of Super Smash Brothers for the Wii U. Everyone wanted to use the Gamecube controller to play it, but for the longest time, they didn’t produce enough adapters and the price for them was high. And now there’s this current misstep.
Last Friday they released the latest 3DS XL. While that sounds like great news, it’s not coming with something that every modern hand-held gaming system needs, a charge cord.
That’s right, no charge cord. Now… as a gamer and one who will get hand-held systems for the games that are only available on those systems (like the Ace Attorney series). I haven’t picked up a 3DS largely because the 3D technology, while it’s neat that you can do 3D without 3D glasses, it would still give me a headache. The image wasn’t all that clear. That’s something that this latest 3DS is supposed to have.

Why no charge cord?

Nintendo says that the reason they didn’t include it is because they’re expecting the people who own the earlier versions to already have the charge cord and it was more cost-effective to not include it.

That’s all fine and dandy, but that means you’re cutting off people who don’t own the system yet. People who haven’t bought it yet who were waiting for the impetus to do so. For me, it was waiting for Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3DS.

I was going to get the special edition version. They came in a limited number and there have been issues (especially with Best Buy) where people had their orders canceled because they didn’t limit the number that could be ordered). This is not a problem that Nintendo created. That’s all on Best Buy. So, I figured I’d get the new version when it came out. It’s supposed to have better 3D graphics and maybe it wouldn’t give me a headache like the older editions did.
Seriously, not throwing in a charge cord is silly. You shouldn’t think that the only people who are going to buy this new system have the older models. You’re limiting the amount of growth the system could have.

Yes, you can buy an AC cord from Nintendo for an extra $8.95. It’s not all that expensive, which begs the question: Why not include it in the systems in the first place.

My guess, this is indicative of where the video game industry is going. You have to pay extra for anything to be functional… and that is truly sad.

Come on Nintendo! You have created some amazing games. Games that keep me buying your systems because they’re so good. I’m going to buy a Wii U when the latest Legend of Zelda game comes out. This is a huge misstep and isn’t going to please your fan base. Can’t you just add the cord for free? I understand not doing so with the Gamecube controller adapter. It’s not a necessary part of the system. You don’t need to play things with the Gamecube controller.
But you can’t play the 3DS without a charge cord. Sony has you beat on this. They still include the charge cord with the Vita. Why can’t you just bundle it together instead of gouging players more?

I had posted about had I had a writing internship, well… here it is.

I’m writing as an intern for dot429 while I’m not maintaining my secret identity as a mild-mannered bookkeeper. I really enjoy this internship. I finally feel fulfilled when I wake up in the morning.

I have had 5 articles published on their web presence. If you’re curious, I’m posting them below for you to read.

So, what else do I have in store for the week… well, I have a nifty little rant that I’ve written. I’ll also post some more of my story… maybe. Or I might post my write-up of Final Fantasy XIV Fan Fest. I haven’t decided which one. We’ll see when I get there.

So, here are those links I spoke of:
A review of “The Way He Looks”
A write-up about Geeking Out!
A review of The Divine and the Wicked
A bit about Keith Haring
A write-up about LGBT geek conventions

Hope you enjoy these articles as much as you enjoy the ones I write here.

Until next time!

Are you curious about this story? Not sure how it began? Want to go back and re-read earlier installments?
Well, you can do that here.

As always, everything here is copyright Emily Rush. All rights reserved. Yada yada yada. Now go and read the story.
“I… I think I get what you’re saying. And a party of me would entertain the idea… But…”, he responds.

“I know. This is really quick You haven’t even given an answer to me yet and here I am proposing that we make-out.”, the boy adds.

He nods.

“I don’t want to go to bed in such a sexually charged situation either. It’s not exactly the most comfortable way to fall asleep.”, he says.

He looks down at the floor. He realizes that this feels just as awkward as the first time their boyfriend came over to his house in high school. Even though he was focused only on his boyfriend, he still wasn’t sure if it was going to happen. In some ways this is very much like that situation. He’s still not sure if he was interested in dating the boy… and yet here it is. Does he do this or not? If anything it will certainly resolve the situation.

He crosses his arms and taps his foot on the floor.

“Well, there’s only really going to be one way to resolve this situation, isn’t there.”, he says, still thinking about it.

“Unfortunately, this is all I can think of. He both wants to do the threesome and is scared to…”, the boy says, “I will not take what happens tonight as a confirmation that you want to date me. I want that to be something that you decide on your own.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…”, he responds, “It’s more that the thought had never entered my head. You’ve always been more focused on him.”

He sighs heavily.

“I appreciate that you wouldn’t take anything that happens tonight as an answer.”, he says, “Maybe we should just do it. It would certainly solve any doubts he has. Or I could just sleep on the couch. I used to do it so many times before…”

The boy shakes his head. He knew that there was always the possibility of someone taking the couch, at the same time their boyfriend did ask to sleep with both of them. It also seemed unfair that he should give up sleeping in the bed to make things easier.

“I had thought about that, but the request was for both of us in bed with him.”, the boy says.

“I know…”, he says with a sigh, “Well, then… Lets do it.”

The boy steps closer to him. He gently caresses his arm.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, the boy asks.
He nods He isn’t sure that this is a great idea, but it would certainly answer quite a few questions.
The boy wraps his arms around him. He can feel the boy’s flesh on his. It feel strange, but not unpleasant. The boys hands gently caress his back and he can feel his breath on his neck.

“Thank you.”, the boy whispers as he kisses the lobe of his ear.

He clears his throat. As much as he would try to fight it, being held by the boy was hot. It felt good… incredibly good. He lavishes in the time that he’s in the boy’s arms. He kisses the boy’s neck.

“You’re keen to start?, “the boy asks.

I apologize for not being able to post until today.

Life is a bit busy, taking me on this new and wonderful adventure. This is a part of my life that I didn’t think that I would be having, but here I am.

So, what of this week?

I would like to post more this week. I need to post more.

So, I’m planning on posting another part of my Not-So-Short-Story and am contemplating another title change, just to keep it fun. I’d also like to write about Rockage. It’s retro gaming. It’s music. It’s you put your chocolate in my peanut butter. I’d like to share the fun that I had at this event.

I also need to remind myself that I need to be better and more vigilant about my posting. I’ve let myself go lax about it. That is not OK.

I’ll see y’all tomorrow, with new content.


Until then!

I occasionally go and see a therapist. This isn’t really news as I’ve had to go through a lot of it to get through a lot of trauma. I find it helpful to talk things out with someone who doesn’t have an emotional investment in me.

So, I saw my therapist a while ago, back in November. He had suggested that I should send out at least one application for a writing job. So, I did… I sent out a lot. And I kept sending them out. I sent one out in early December to be an intern at a LGBT entertainment magazine.

I hadn’t heard anything, so I assumed that I was passed up because hearing nothing means that you’re not going to.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I get a call for an interview for this position. I was happy. I really wanted this internship. So, I go to the interview.

And it turns out, they want me. So, I have a writing internship. This is what I’ve wanted. More importantly, this means I will be published by someone other than myself. I’m really excited right now. This is a great opportunity that I have here.

Obviously, I’m excited about this. That doesn’t mean I’ll be abandoning my blog.


This is my baby. I will keep writing here. You’ll have another forum to read more of my writing now. A lot of my writing there will be talking about LGBT geeky things. I’ll still write about what I have always done here.

This will be fun.

I still can’t believe that I’m actually going to get to write… that I’m going to get paid to do so. This is almost my dream. Now if I can write from home. I can write the movies that I want to and have them made… then I will be living my dream. I didn’t think that I would be doing this, that I would be able to do something I love so much…

This is a huge wow moment.


Where Have I Been

That’s almost always the million dollar question. Some version of where are you. Thankfully this question isn’t too difficult to answer, though there is some story to it.

The short form is, I’ve spent the of last week in the hospital as a visitor. I’ve been mostly visiting someone who’s important to me, helping them out and generally being there for them. Is there more to this story? Of course .

The Sunday before last I was home, playing Final Fantasy XIV. I had been invited to a party, but I was feeling like I needed introvert time.The night before I had gone to a choir performance of someone very dear to me. Afterwards we decided to get a drink in the Mission.We went to this overly full hipster bar (because they seem to populate the Mission). It was so full that I felt pretty done with people when we left. I’m incredibly introverted, so being there was incredibly draining. At about 6:20 PM (I know this because Final Fantasy XIV does display the local time) I get a call about an accident and this person is heading to the hospital. It took me a moment to compose my thoughts as that’s not something you expect to get a call about. The first thing I say on the phone is that his family should be notified. I get off the phone, finish what I was doing. I try to get ahold of his family, but realize that I didn’t have their numbers at the time.

Shortly after that, we’re out the door and on our way to the hospital.

When I get there, I’m already shaking, but also in the I’ve-gotta-get-things-done mindset. And a part of that is trying to find everyone. I go to the Emergency waiting room to figure out where people are. Apparently I was in the wrong waiting room as I was notified that everyone else was at a different part of the hospital.

I walk over there and say hi to everyone. Everyone looked emotionally distraught. That’s not too surprising when they tell me the story after I get there. Apparently they were taking a picture and had to put pressure on the railing of the balcony at the house the party was at. The railing was so dry rotted that it gave way and three people fell about 25 feet (I’m not sure about the exact measurement). I sit there for about 20-30 minutes before I’m called back.

I see the person on the stretcher, face covered in blood and what looks like a lot of facial injuries. The nurse tells me what they believe the extent of his injuries are: compound fracture of the leg, dislocation and possible fracture of the arm and fractured skull. I had to stay stoic. I couldn’t break down and cry because that wouldn’t help anyone. I needed to stay fairly unemotional because I still had work to do.

THey sign out his belongings to me, which include his phone. It rings while I’m talking to the intake nurse. They still need to get some information about him for his file. While that’s not the best of times to do it, they do need it before anything like surgery or popping an elbow back in place because they ask about things like drug allergies. He is conscious enough to answer questions, though he can’t remember everything. I can fill in those answers thankfully.

The best news I got when I arrived is that everyone could talk. That’s excellent news because that means there was no injury to their brain. That being said, there was a minor amount of blood on the brain because of the skull fractures.I hear that and it freaks me out a bit. This is because my dad had a major accident before I was born and was in a semi-coma for, I believe, a couple of months. His brain was injured in that accident.

I start feeling like I want to cry. I still can’t because there are other doctors I need to talk to.

The neurologist comes to talk to me and asks about medical history. I actually knew a lot of the questions that he was asking so I tell him what I know. I apparently knew a lot of what he needed. I talk to him while they’re popping the elbow back in to place.

I wind up staying with him, a majority of the time. I step away from him to talk to his family only when they are doing x-rays, CT scans and when they finally wheel him in to surgery. This becomes a series of calls to let everyone know what was up. I start with his daughter as she was calling while I was helping him fill in the blanks with the intake nurse. After he’s taken to surgery, I call his mother and tell her what the doctor had told me about the extent of his injuries. I also call his business partner as I knew that they had seminars this week that they were going to give. That way she knew what was going on and could take care of what needed to be taken care of.

Then comes the waiting… the hours of waiting. I told him before he was wheeled off that I would be there after surgery.So, I wait. First I wait in the original waiting room because I had to be on the phone contacting everyone.

After an hour and a half (the length of time I was told the surgery would be), I go back in and check on what’s going on as I hadn’t heard anything. At this point I’m taken to the surgery waiting room. It’s there that I meet one of his brothers. We both wait together in a cold room. We talk while we wait as there wasn’t a lot else either of us could focus on. Another one of the injured people’s wife meets me in the surgery waiting room and all three of us talk. At about 3:30 we’re told that he was in the recovery room and we can see him.

After briefly speaking with him, I go home to try to sleep. This is only partially successful.

I spend the rest of the week in the hospital with him and his mother.

So, yeah… that was an intense week. Now things are more normalized. Everyone is, more or less, stabilized. I’m still extremely sleep deprived. And it’s back to life as normal… well as normal as can be.

That’s why I was silent last week. There’s a lot going on all at one time. I feel emotionally stretched, but I’m trying to keep up a certain amount of sanity. I’m hoping that as life starts to go back to normal that I will be able to deal with this all better.

I will try to post at least once more this week.

So, until then!

A Moment in Life

I’m gonna be a bit more candid and personal today. Things have been a bit hectic as of late. I’m trying to roll with it, but it’s a lot of stuff that I feel the need to process out.

Life continues to truck along. That’s way it goes.

But then there are things that make you want to put everything on pause. I think I might be at that point now.

My grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer about this time last year. While I was never really close to her, it still is losing a part of your childhood. Both of my grandparents were always there. It was inevitable that they weren’t going to be there. A year later (give or take), my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It’s not terminal, but it makes me feel uneasy.

Thankfully, they found it early. So, that means treatment can happen and should be successful.

But it’s my father.

It’s a lot to take in. I don’t expect my parents to be there forever. That’s the way life is. We’re born then at some point later, we die. It’s expected that one’s going to need to handle the death of one or both parents.

I also have experience with people dying of cancer. It’s not something that’s easy to deal with. It’s something you need to deal with though.

Personally, I’m not sure how I feel right now. I have so many things going on right now that it’s hard to just think on any one thing. As much as I would love to be able to process one thing at a time. Life doesn’t work that way… or rather my life doesn’t work that way. So, I need to process many things at a time… and frankly, I can’t.

So, I’m hoping that this will help me start processing how I feel about this. This will be the pause that will help me start going through what I need to. Who knows, we’ll see how this all pans out.


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