I’ve always had a weight issue. It’s something that I’ve struggled with on and off since I was a kid. I was made fun of when I was eight because I was overweight. Of all the things that I was made fun of, my weight has been a constant.

So, I’m very touchy about my weight. My stepfather would always call me a fat, stupid bitch when I probably weighed about 145 lbs. Not exactly fat for my body proportions. When I was in elementary school I was always called fat. I was bullied a lot in elementary school for my weight. I was also bullied in middle school.

Which brings me to where I am today. I have huge issues where my weight is concerned. Because of being made fun of because of my weight for years I have very deep-seated problems with weight.

…Of course, it doesn’t help that I put weight a few years ago when I was so ill that moving was painful.

So, I have self-esteem issues that are largely connected to weight. It takes me back to all the negative things that people have said about me. It makes me feel bad about myself.

Which makes losing the weight in a way that is completely healthy even more difficult.

I would like to lose my weight in a healthy manner without surgery. I want to eat better and have a decent exercise regimen that doesn’t give me an unhealthy attachment to a gym.

Unfortunately a lot of my weight loss has come from high stress situations. So high stress that I can’t really eat.

I’m working on a healthier way that isn’t starving myself.

I did lose 20 lbs when I would bike 20 miles a day, 3 days a week to and from work.

But then I got sick with bronchitis where doing anything physical was hard. Every time I would try, I would cough because I couldn’t breathe. It took 2 months to undo everything I had done.

So, I feel pretty defeated.

But I’m not going to stop.

I found a stationary bike for a good price. Because of where I moved to, I can’t exactly bike around where I live. Where I live is only bike-able for people who bike marathons. The hills are quite steep here. So, stationary is the only way I can go.

I also have to be vigilant about my food intake. I need to be more cautious about how much I eat and the fat content of it all.

While I’m feeling pretty beaten down right now. I’m not going to let it stop me from doing something that will make me happy.