There are few things in this world that people universally fear. Death is one of them, the other is getting old. Both of which are attached to each other.

Monday was my birthday. It used to be a day that I would look forward to for many reasons (except for the cake because for too many years my birthday cake was a pumpkin pie). When I was younger it was great.

As I get older, I’m starting to be more meh about my birthday. As I get older I feel, to a certain degree, that I am less important to my family. Of course, this is backed up by action… or lack there of. Granted, that probably shouldn’t bother me. In actuality, it hits on the fear that I’m irrelevant to people.

Oddly enough, the fear isn’t attached to being closer to death. After all, we can die at any time. While getting older and therefore less desirable as a woman.

That I’m less comfortable with.

However, it’s something that I need to deal with. I’m getting older. I’m not going to get any younger.

Or I can wonder if it were possible that if we can flip the thinking that women are attractive when they’re younger. That grey hair and wrinkles are a sign of something more attractive than what a 25-year-old can muster. Experience. Wisdom.

Unfortunately, youth is still desirable.

So, how do I change my thought process on this? How do I go from thinking that I only have a finite period of time in which I’m desirable to thinking that even if I were 63, I would still be desirable?

I don’t have an answer for that.

All I can do is try to remember that I should be desirable at any age. I’m not just a physical appearance, even if that’s all that anyone sees first.

It’s a hard thing to be telling oneself. I’m working on it… it’s just going to take time.