So, if you’re going to ask if I want cheese with my whine, the answer to that is a resounding yes.

Now, to be more serious. I was given something with gluten that I happened to eat some of just over 3 weeks ago. Here I am now… still dealing with fighting off the symptoms of eating it. This is frustrating.

I feel like I want to cry. I feel dizzy all the time. I also feel sick. My joints hurt. I feel like this is a complaint that I shouldn’t be dealing with. I’m always very careful when it comes to ordering food at a restaurant. Mistakes happen. I get that.

As I start the 4th week (and coming in to one month of being sick), I can’t help but feel angry, upset and frustrated. How else should one feel when one’s body is constantly fighting itself?

I’m trying to take things in stride and not just throw my hands up in the air and just say fuck it all. It’s hard. It’s really hard… especially since all I can do is try to cope with this. All I can do is try to handle this day-to-day.

But, damn it! I want to feel better. I’m tired of feeling like I’m locked in this prison a flesh and bone. I want to be active and do things again. It feels like it’s constantly one step forward, four back. It’s impeding on my physical health. I’m at a loss on what to do now. I can’t do much exercise because it wears my body out. My joints ache more if I do.

If anyone has any good and decent solutions to this, I would love to hear them. I am beyond frustrated at this point. I hate feeling like this. I feel like my body is holding me back from doing what I love. It’s angering. I just want to do more of… well… anything.

But I can’t.

Here I sit, trying to figure out what I can do… and that’s difficult in and of itself as my brain feels like it’s impaired… because it is. I feel like it’s moving through a thick fog. I might need to take the rest of this month off, and I don’t want to.

I can’t think straight. I feel like my brain is under a thick blanket or haze. No matter how badly I want to be able to do or think, I can’t. I want to write, but it’s difficult at best.

This is also longer than I have ever been sick this long before from gluten. I also haven’t really eaten anything with gluten for over 2 years. My body isn’t handling this well. I’m not handling this well.

I guess the only good thing to come out of this is that I know definitively that I do not want to do the gluten challenge. This is not good now. I don’t think I could do this for months.

I’m just at a loss on what to do now. If anyone has any advice, please share it. I need something, anything, right now.