There are days where I just want to shake my fist at the world. I’ve always been told that life wasn’t fair. That was the mantra through out my childhood… as I was beaten and abused.
Yeah, life’s not fair. I get that.
So, when do I get a chance at not dealing with crap?
I still ask myself that… just less frequently. I do now as I’m dealing with a situation that was entirely preventable if there had been communication.
And this is where I start thinking maybe I’m some kind of freak. Like I’m some kind of aberration to the norm. I like to communicate. It’s so important that I will do it regardless of comfort to myself. I’ve been having to go past my comfort zones communication wise. I’ve had to talk about difficult things. I did it because they need to be talked about, regardless.
I always find it weird when people are surprised with my communication. Doesn’t everyone communicate freely?
Am I so weird because I can communicate more openly?
Is it so weird that my relationship with my SO is as communicative as it is?
I’m starting to think that we’re just fucking weird. We feel a need to keep talking to each other. To keep the conversation going to make sure that we’re on the same page.
I thought that was normal. I still find it weird for me when people don’t talk about things. Then I need to remember, that maybe I’m the weird one… because maybe I am.
When has it become a thing for us to not talk? When did we decide that shutting down or diverting conversation is easier than dealing with things?
Maybe this is stuff that I learned on my own. Now that I think about things in my childhood, I realize that I wasn’t taught to communicate. My mom used to tell my stepdad everything I’d say… even though I asked her not to. You would think that after that breach of trust that I would be more reluctant to actually be more forthcoming. That’s not how it worked though. I feel like it’s even more important to talk about things now.
Maybe I’m just weird, I don’t know…