Snoopy hopes for what all of us writers do. Image by Charles Schulz
It’s still been some time since I’ve been back here writing… and it’s something that I admit I haven’t been doing as well as I might. There are many reasons why I haven’t written all that much. My stress had been through the roof. And a large part of it for a long time was a dissolution of a relationship… and many things about that relationship specifically. Now that is done and I’ve done some work on building myself back up, that seems to be waning… even the stress to find a second part-time job.
I’ve also had a health issue. I am one week away from my final oral surgery to take care of dental issues. While I’m glad that it’s almost done, there’s a lot of anxiety surrounding it as well. And, even bigger, a lot of pain. Concentration has been difficult at best. I’m still dealing with the pain from my teeth which should hopefully be finished soon. Tooth pain sucks.
I also had to take a moment to look at myself. I had to admit that I was my own worst enemy when it comes to me not writing. Between my disappointment with people and dealing with a lot of personal demons that came out on Thanksgiving and knowing that no matter what, I don’t think I’ll ever really be excepted by my own family. I’ve tried so hard my whole life to be accepted by them. I guess I need to accept that they don’t necessarily care about who I am. That my sexuality and my gender identity doesn’t mean all that much to them.
That’s been the hardest part to accept. So, what do I do now?
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?
Mostly, I’m going to keep on writing. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned recently, it’s that writing is probably the most important thing to me. I need to create worlds and stories. I need to create characters and watch them grow as the words continue to flow from my fingers. Not writing hasn’t been helpful to me. Writing is such a huge part of myself, so I need to do more of it.
After I recuperate from my surgery next week, I’ll attempt to write here at least once a week. I’ll also keep working on my screenplays and other writing. I have a new story that I’m still working on the beginning of. I will continue to work on that story that I posted the beginning of here. I’m going to keep on writing. Right now, that’s mostly what I have. I’ll have to figure everything else out, but for right now, I’m going to keep writing.
I’ve been kicking around a story in my head for about a month now… so I’ve decided to actually write it. There will be more. It’s just in the beginning stages. I hope you enjoy this teaser.
“Are you sure about this? I’m… I’m not so…” I say as I look around the crowded large room.
“It’ll be fine. You just need to get out there.” He says as he grabs my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
I take a moment and take a deep breath and close my eyes. I let the sounds of everything around me to start to settle in. I can hear loud thumping music… actually, that’s all I can hear. No voices, just music. I slightly open one eye and let the bright lights occasionally seep in before going dark again.
I open both eyes and focus on what’s ahead of me. It’s a large room filled with the aforementioned music. People are writhing in time to thee music. Some are more on rhythm than others. The room feels hot and humid. The heat is being generated from all the bodies, creating an interesting humidifier. I can feel the music through the floor. The bass isn’t quite so loud that it’s an all-out assault, but it feels like a gentle massage through the air and floor. Off in the distance is the low-lit lifeboat that is the bar.
“Are you sure you can do this?” he asks.
I survey the room once again. I slowly nod.
“You can do this. You have this.” I think.
“I… Yeah, I can do this.” I say allowed.
I take another deep breath, and take a step forward.
Well, It has been sometime since I’ve just written something that is just about what’s going on in my life. It’s been sometime…
So… Life is interesting now. It’s not Chinese curse interesting, for once. I feel like I’m riding this wave of good things… and I know it’s going to get bigger. I finally feel prepared to ride it all out. I’m secure about this thing that I do almost as naturally as breathing. I feel completely secure in my writing. I’m starting to carve a niche for myself that makes me happy.
So, what all is happening?
Where to start… My life finally feels wonderfully full. I feel like all the pieces of my life are starting to fit together. I feel ridiculously happy for a few reasons. I’m still feeling this incredible, overwhelming wonderful feeling. The feeling that I know I’ve written about before. This feeling that almost feels like a panic attack. Instead of being partnered with worry and fears, it’s followed by positive thoughts. That might be because my fingers are just brushing my dream. That it’s within my reach.
What does that mean in real terms?
Well… Not sure where to start. I’m at the point where I will be giving my 2 weeks in just over a month (or so). I negotiate my salary and will be working full-time in August. I will be writing full-time. This is just the beginning of what I really want to do with my life. I am so excited about being able to do this all the time and get paid.
I also have a third partner in my life. Oddly enough, the scheduling should actually work. I can’t put into words the exuberance I am feeling now. I might have to sit down and just write about it to put it in to words.
This whole situation is… amazing. It’s beyond anything that I could ever put in words. Not surprisingly, I want to put it all out there.
I’ve also decided that I need to take the time to be able to write. I need that time for me. I haven’t done it in some time. I’m going to start doing it now. I will write more of my stories (and I will start busting my ass to get them up so you can read them as well). I feel like I’ve been missing that in my life. I have to feed that need inside me. I also have a Fanime wrap-up to write. I will get that out next week.
So, here we are.
I’ll post a list of all my writing that I’ve done since my last post so you too can see them.
Here we are again, time for the round-up of other writing stuff I have done. This time it’s 2 weeks. This is longer than what I was planning. I’m still recovering from a respiratory virus. I apparently got worse than a cold, but better than bronchitis. On the plus side, I am on the mend. I still get moments of feeling pretty draggy and tired. Thankfully, I have today off. I can sleep and rest and relax. That is the plan.
So, what have I done in that time… I have a lot of stuff for you to read. I seem to be quite prolific. So, here we are.
A review of the memoir “My Avant-Garde Education”
Dr. Ben Carson Op-Ed
The embracing skeleton video
Skeleton Twins movie review
St. Patrick’s Day and the LGBT community
Elton John vs. Dolce & Gabbana
Planet Fitness really is a Judgment-Free Zone
LGBT offerings at Tribeca Film Festival
Another Op-Ed, this time about the staffer who sexually assualted 17 children
Terry Pratchett’s death
Frank Underwood’s sexuality in “House of Cards”
Moar the Wicked + the Divine
LGBT characters represent on TV
I know, it’s a lot. It’s been a couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy reading more of my stuff. It’s been fun getting to write like this. I hope that I get to keep doing this. I wake-up every morning excited to go to work.
Huzzah to that!
I had posted about had I had a writing internship, well… here it is.
I’m writing as an intern for dot429 while I’m not maintaining my secret identity as a mild-mannered bookkeeper. I really enjoy this internship. I finally feel fulfilled when I wake up in the morning.
I have had 5 articles published on their web presence. If you’re curious, I’m posting them below for you to read.
So, what else do I have in store for the week… well, I have a nifty little rant that I’ve written. I’ll also post some more of my story… maybe. Or I might post my write-up of Final Fantasy XIV Fan Fest. I haven’t decided which one. We’ll see when I get there.
So, here are those links I spoke of:
A review of “The Way He Looks”
A write-up about Geeking Out!
A review of The Divine and the Wicked
A bit about Keith Haring
A write-up about LGBT geek conventions
Hope you enjoy these articles as much as you enjoy the ones I write here.
Until next time!
I occasionally go and see a therapist. This isn’t really news as I’ve had to go through a lot of it to get through a lot of trauma. I find it helpful to talk things out with someone who doesn’t have an emotional investment in me.
So, I saw my therapist a while ago, back in November. He had suggested that I should send out at least one application for a writing job. So, I did… I sent out a lot. And I kept sending them out. I sent one out in early December to be an intern at a LGBT entertainment magazine.
I hadn’t heard anything, so I assumed that I was passed up because hearing nothing means that you’re not going to.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I get a call for an interview for this position. I was happy. I really wanted this internship. So, I go to the interview.
And it turns out, they want me. So, I have a writing internship. This is what I’ve wanted. More importantly, this means I will be published by someone other than myself. I’m really excited right now. This is a great opportunity that I have here.
Obviously, I’m excited about this. That doesn’t mean I’ll be abandoning my blog.
This is my baby. I will keep writing here. You’ll have another forum to read more of my writing now. A lot of my writing there will be talking about LGBT geeky things. I’ll still write about what I have always done here.
This will be fun.
I still can’t believe that I’m actually going to get to write… that I’m going to get paid to do so. This is almost my dream. Now if I can write from home. I can write the movies that I want to and have them made… then I will be living my dream. I didn’t think that I would be doing this, that I would be able to do something I love so much…
This is a huge wow moment.
I know it’s a bit late for this. I was going to do it the week of New Year’s, but being sick made that a bit more difficult. So, I may be a little late. But you know what they say, better late than never.
So, what can I say about 2014… the year that felt simultaneously too fast and too slow?
If I were to call 2014 one word it would be interesting… Chinese curse interesting. There were far too many ups and downs. The downs were pretty sizeable. The ups, not so much. While it wasn’t the worst of times… it certainly wasn’t good either.
The worst part was the three months in the middle. I lost both of my grandparents on my father’s side. They went one month after the other. The next month I lost my job. It was a lot for one time. I did manage to get another job… that now I go to once a week.
So, what was good?
I met some awesome new people. I met a cool new friend at Comic Con this year. I met a few others through Final Fantasy XIV Fan Fest.
As ever, I’m trying to look back, but only forward.
So… what does that mean?
Well, I’ve got plans for this year. I’m continuing to make things happen. I really want to work doing my writing. Whether that means my blog or if it means that I can actually sell screenplays or get something actually published, who knows.
It’s just a matter of seeing where things go. I do love writing. I love writing here… even if I haven’t been able to do so as much lately (which is something I strive to change). I’m hoping that this year will bring me nothing but positive change. I’ve had my share of negative change, it’s time for some positive change. I don’t mean this just personally. I also mean this globaly. It feels like the world is feeling more weary.
My hope is that in the next year, everything gets better. The world and my life gets a great and wonderful upswing.
Here’s to hoping!
Here I am, back after my vacation.
Though, I will admit, it wasn’t much of a vacation. I wound up being fed two things that would make me horribly ill. One that would last one day, the other I’m still dealing with and it has put me in great amounts of pain. So… I didn’t really have an enjoyable birthday. I’m going to have a re-do, without the extra time off once I’m no longer hurting.
My sleep schedule was also messed with. Because of processing out what’s making me sick, I feel tired a lot. Since this wasn’t a trace amount, this is taking more time and is more work. I’m hoping that this is finished soon. I’m tired of the pain and the tired.
I did have 2 high points though. I’m hoping that this isn’t a show of what a pain the next year will be. I’m hoping this is a painful recap and that everything else will be much happier. Frankly, I really need it now.
So… what do I plan on for this week?
I might have to call this week largely a wash. I’m trying to handle being sick first. I will post another part of my long running and increasingly misnamed short story. Unfortunately, other than that I have nothing else ready for you. Please look forward to another installment of my story.
Otherwise, I’m going to focus on trying to get past pain. I’m sorry that this is happening now as I have a lot of writing ideas percolating away in my brain.
I’m hoping that next week will find me feeling better and ready to get more writing on here.